The Scent of Memory: Bitter Loss
by MirrorDede
Summary: Smells can evoke memories. In this story, Xerxes Break has lost his sense of smell, but is haunted by "smell memories." It's the day after the events of chapter 52…


**Summary:**__Smells can evoke memories. In this story, Xerxes Break has lost his sense of smell, but is haunted by "smell memories." It's the day after the events at Yura Isla's mansion (written from a post-Retrace 52 perspective).

**Words: **1194

**Rating: **G

**Writer's Note:** This may seem a bit OOC at times, but it's always fun to delve into other possible sides of a character, especially those as complex as Break. Spoilers for Retrace 52. Angst & h/c.

**The Scent of Memory: Bitter Loss**

Oz Vessalius found Xerxes Break sitting alone at a table, surrounded by empty plates and candy wrappers.

"Good morning, Break-san," said Oz with a grin, pulling up a chair.

"Good morning, Oz-kun, I'm just having a little tea," said Break with a smile. "Care to join me?"

"Sure," said Oz, "but, uh…there doesn't seem to be any food left…other than this smear of chocolate frosting." His index finger swept across a plate to pick up the majority of the frosting, and he gazed at it, somewhat sadly.

"Chocolate?" exclaimed Break. "There was something chocolate here?"

Oz took a small taste of the frosting on his finger.

"Yes, it's definitely chocolate," replied Oz. "I'm guessing you ate so fast you don't remember, Break-san."

"Um, no, on the contrary, I was eating slower than usual," Break said, thoughtfully placing a finger to his chin.

"Here," said Oz, grinning and proffering a finger, "taste it off my finger."

"My…you have a naughty side, you freaky kid!" Break said, with a mischievous smile, and then reached forward to grasp Oz's hand. He took the frosting coated finger deep in his mouth and sucked the frosting off with much enthusiasm.

Oz winced and blushed. _What was I thinking, offering my finger to this guy?_

"Definitely not chocolate," declared Break, licking his lips. "In fact, it didn't taste like much of anything, except sweet."

"So…" Oz puzzled out loud, "have you lost your sense of taste now, too, Break-san?"

Break looked Oz directly in the eye. _How does he do that when he's blind?_ wondered Oz.

"I'm afraid you might be right, Oz-kun, though I suspect it is the sense of smell I've lost, more so than taste. But the sense of smell is tied to the sense of taste, so if you lose smell, food doesn't have much flavor." He tapped his cane on the floor and continued, "When eating the tart, I felt the vaguest sense of strawberry in my mouth, but no strawberry smell. And the shortbread usually smells like butter, but today…nothing. And the candies…I hade a hard time determining if they were toffee or butterscotch."

Oz tried to suppress a sadistic smile. _What rough luck for you! Can't smell your favorite foods, haha! _But then he saw the distant expression in Break's eyes and the way he was fidgeting with his cane, and his sympathetic side got the better of him.

"I'm sorry…that's really…too bad," he managed to say. "I…"

"Ojou-sama!" exclaimed Break, jumping up.

Oz looked around the room, expecting to see Sharon, but she wasn't there.

"Is Sharon in your shadow using Eques?" He looked at Break's shadow, as if that would tell him something.

"No…uh…sh-she's not," said Break, looking disturbed. "But I smelled her perfume. I really thought she was here."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't see her here," Oz said, cocking his head to one side to more closely observe Break, who appeared to have shed his usual façade.

Break sighed and started pacing the room, tapping his cane as he went.

"This morning I caught a whiff of that sewer rat, Vincent Nightray…" Break began, gritting his teeth. He looked at Oz. "But when I asked Lady Shelly about him, she said he had not been here."

"Hmmm," said Oz, thoughtfully. "It sounds like you're getting some kind of…phantom smell memories, or something."

"You're a sharp one, Oz-kun. I think you are probably correct."

Just then Break thought he smelled his friend Liam Lunettes, but knew he had heard no footfalls, so doubted the evidence his dysfunctional sense of smell was providing for him.

"Oz-kun, do you see Liam around here by chance? Or any article of clothing belonging to him?"

Oz looked around.

"No, I don't. Do you…uh, smell him?"

"Yes, I do," Break muttered, and his face fell. His sight memory brought a flash of Liam's face to his mind's eye. _I hope Liam's alright_, he thought.

"No one has found Liam yet have they?" asked Oz.

Break could only shake his head 'no' since the lump in his throat was making it difficult for him to speak.

"I don't think I've ever seen you look so sad, Break-san. You know, you…"

"Oz-kun," Break interrupted, forcing a smile and willing his voice to sound steady. "I just thought of something I have to do, please excuse me."

Break left Oz alone in the tea room and walked briskly down the hall.

_It's bad enough to lose my sense of smell - I could handle never being able to smell what's in front of me again - but to be haunted by the scent of my memories…that's too much…_

Quickly he ducked into an infrequently used room and shut the door behind him.

"Hello?" he said, his voice shaky.

_Good, no one is here. No one can see me this way._

He leaned back against the wall, covered his face with his hands and let out a few choked sobs. Feeling just a little bit better, he tried – with curious fascination - to detect the familiar scent of his own hands. He could find none.

But then before he could think, the smell of the Sinclair household came over him. So many memories came flooding back…they hit him like a storm of painful regret. _Why? Why? _His back slid down the wall and he collapsed onto the floor.

Oz stayed for a few minutes at the table. He licked the last of the chocolate frosting off the plate, and then had a sense that he needed to find Break.

He wandered down the hall, wondering where Break had gone. He hadn't walked far when he heard muffled sobs coming from one of the rooms. Whoever it was sounded so agonized – _my God, is someone being killed?_ – he didn't think twice about simply opening the door before knocking.

He found Break in a crumpled heap on the floor, head cradled in his arms, sobbing. _Oh my,_ thought Oz, _I never thought I'd see this._

"Break!" he exclaimed, kneeling down on the floor in front of him.

Break looked up at Oz and tried to smile and make light of the situation.

"Oh…Oz-kun! Haha, I must be going mad! Silly me!"

The contrast between his upbeat words and the tears on his cheeks could not be more obvious.

"For God's sake, stop trying to pretend you're happy when you're so obviously not!" exclaimed Oz, smacking Break on the head with his hand.

Break's face crumbled into abject misery again, and he bit his lip to keep it from trembling.

Oz put his arms around the older man and pressed his white-haired head to his chest.

"Break-san," he said gently. "I know this is hard for you. But it's going to be alright. You'll find a way to cope with this just like you learned to compensate for your loss of sight. And we'll find Liam. I just know we will. In fact, why don't look for him today?"

"You're right, Oz-kun," said Break, sniffling and wiping tears away with his sleeve. "You really are wise beyond your years. Let me just pull myself together and we'll go."

**Oz and Break go searching for Liam…in the followup story called "The Scent of Memory: Sweet Friendship". **


End file.
